[27 Aug 2008|06:22pm] still harder, getting up, getting dressed, living with this regret but i know if i could do it over i would trade, give away all the words that i saved in my heart miss you. once again, i'm the one with the broken heart. :'( post comment

may long weekend [19 May 2008|09:32pm] tooo much booze, too many jokes, fakeee bitches are love, booys booys booys! sooo this guy, i have nooo idea we had a pretty intense saturday night and not the sexual way at all. for a guy who acts so tough, i got to see a side of him i dont think alot of people know, which was just amazing. i love when people surprise you like that. i wouldnt say im falling for him or anything, i know i have to watch my back he's not exactly a one-girl kinda guy but people can change :) i dont thihk he's one to bullshit though, so i think i just need to spend more time with him, and make everything better. ahh <3 1 comment|post comment

we'd never have to wonder if we missed out on each other [07 May 2008|10:03pm] [ music | colbie caillat ] woooooow life boys, i dont even know. james likes me, liam likes me, and i like waaaay to many that arent liam or james. urrrgh. boy 1, i kinda like him but i think theres too much thats happened to go down that road. boy 2, he's soooo cute and funny and nice but he's a manhoeee. boy 3, uhhm he's freaking adorable :) ahaha i wish. boy 4, sexay, oh my god. nuff said, he's really nice too. ahhha i wish anyways..... im excited for the future! CAMPING SUMMER 08, no parents, bestfriends, beaaaach, campfires, beeers <3 CAYO COCO CUBA 09! no parents, all teenagers, as much booze as you want hell fucken yeah :) and just random hous parties, clubbing, new york city, it's going to be a good year! im doing sooooooo ill in school, its nuts, 82 average, good enough for me! :) post comment

[27 Feb 2008|11:35pm] i guess its true that you only appreciate what you had when it's gone post comment

inside i hope you know im dying [29 Dec 2007|08:23pm] i think it's finally over. i'm 99.9% sure. but even if it changes, there is no turning back whatsoever. i'm hoping i made the right choice. well, what he said to me today was reassuring. i think i need to start trusting people again. new year, new bullshit coming up. but i can take it, i roll with the punches. so i think i might be interested in someone but i'm not sure. he makes me smile though, with his awkwardness? haha awwwe. but of course stupid bitches who will name anonymous like to be fucking cockblocks. why dont you fucking ugly bitches go lose some weight, tone down the attitude, and fix your fucking faces? sorry i think theres more oil on your fucking faces than the shit food you serve at mcdonalds :D. dont be pissed that theyre not interested in you, sure you're the same age but i dont think anyone would want to kiss a face more red than rudolphs nose. call me a slut all you want, its not my fault theyre not interested. when you fucks know how to be mature fucking talk to me then, k cool cause i really dont give a shit. im so excited to see paul soon yay :) annnd also ive been talking to steve alot lately, he's a good guy. so new years resolutions: drink less, get atleast an 80 average (almost there, 78!), get a better job, save $$$, no more hookups...maybe ahahha (kevin glover is an exception ;) ), lose 10 pounds! && ill probz add more later post comment

move forward now [16 Dec 2007|07:20pm] [ music | sean kingston ] - natalia's party last night - love herrrr && all my friends <3 - i'm stupid when im drunk and i say a lot of things i dont mean - i really just want to be with him - "fuck you bitch", i loveee nick tiberia, sooo funny - jesse's hat looks good on me what can i say - i'm getting bored of the same thing over & over again - michael smith definetly needs to stop calling at like 12 at night - give me a reason why we cant be like this - i'm not asking for much but if thats the only thing you want, im not interested - i actually dont know what i want, but one thing is most definetly clear to me - hateee being always the first one drunk - fashion show model, sooo freaking pumped! - i just need one chance - i dont understand you, you say one thing and do another - i dont trust you at all, i want you to be miserable - you're not the same - i love you so much with all my heart, you're always there for me - i dont feel the same anymore - i hate you when you're drunk, you're a wreck control yourself - you boreee me what the hell - you're so fake - i fucking miss you sooo much :( post comment

now honestly [06 Dec 2007|11:42pm] i'm ready to move on, but no matter how hard i try i cant. i KNOW i still like him, i dont know why its just there. i dont know i dont know, we're friends but its still tense i guess. i definetly feel awkwardness. i think he's one of those guys that no matter how he treats me, ill still come back to him. it's not love, i know that for sure. maybe just maybe, if i had given him what he wanted, and i was willing to, it would be good. as stupid as it is, i felt really important to him for once when we were together. i haveeee no idea how i feel, i just want to be with him. i want to forget it all and maybe start over. second chances. to put it like this, what happened was perfect, i wouldnt have had it any other way. i want it back. moving on.... im ready to put everything behind me. im happy. i dont need to prove myself to anyone, i dont care. i dont care about peoples opinions, you can judge me all you want, you're wasting your breath. it doesnt affect me and you look pathetic when you do it so do yourself a favour and just shut up. annnd in other news KG <3 annnnnnnd shopping with andrew ahahahha should be fun fun :) post comment

life ;; lately [27 Nov 2007|11:59pm] to sum it up: losing friendships, making new ones, trust issues, getting closer & growing apart, crying, laughing, heartbreak, butterflies :), meaningful conversations, stupid conversations, slut i dont care, having fun and dancing, cute songs, waking up at 4 in the morning next to andrew and ryan in a bed made for one, guitar hero attempts, too much corona and coolers, hickies, bad kissers and dancers, hotboxing cars, hardass muffins, text messages, i'd do anything for you but i cant say i ever loved you, screwing up, taking each day as it comes, flip cup champ, i hope this happens, 3 hour phone conversations, flirting, mike = bestfriend for reaaaal, live, laugh, love. it's messed up but i'm happy. 1 comment|post comment

i could live without you but without you i'd be miserable at best [24 Nov 2007|05:55pm] can we put this behind us? you've hurt me a lot, and i want to forget about you i dont think we could ever be just friends, especially after saturday. i dont regret it even though i know you do. i know you're happy i'm happy for you, even though its such a hard thing for me to do. i'm just miserable. i cant do this :( post comment

it's better [12 Nov 2007|05:31pm] where do i start? the last few weeks ive dealt with more drama than i would like. what came out of it? im not sure. all i know is i definetly have my guard up. ive been screwed over by people enough times these past two weeks alone. biggest disappointment is probably one of my close friends going behind my back and doing who knows what with the guy im not over yet. and if that wasnt bad enough she also promised me she would NEVER do that to me because her bestfriend did that to her. whatever i guess it really comes down to what matters to someone right? i dont know, i find a lot of people are selfish nowadays. i hated being selfish and i never ever want to be. but now i think i need to be because if i dont look out for myself, no one else will. its not about other people anymore, its about yourself. so what if i become selfish? its better than always being screwed over by people you trusted. i cant really complain though cause i'm a pretty happy person. i know whose got my back and who i can trust. im starting to get to know a lot of other people and im pretty happy :) annnnnnnnnd there's andrew, he's cute <33 :) idk i guess i'll see how things go, its not going bad but it definetly needs to pick upp lmfao schools pretty good, 70s + 80s in all classes sooo i gotta step it up a bit, but im sure i can do it. andddd more parties, im kinda excited. idc if it looks bad, if people think im a dumb slut or an alcoholic atleast i have funn ;) post comment

nanannana [03 Oct 2007|10:51pm] i hope im not falling hard :( what am i saying, i always do post comment

lifeee [29 Sep 2007|05:18pm] [ music | A Lack of Color - Death Cab For Cutie ] this week has been mild i guess parrrrty tonight though! hahahhaa i cant break my streak, gotta party every weekend :) no more drama, i've been so happy lately because andreeew's cute <33 and so is chris :) ahahaha awwe who knows what will happen like i said, i'm way over kurt i'm so happy. of course he calls me last night but i dont care anymore, i'm doneeeee. oh well. i hope he has fun chasing some other slut matt'd costa's last weekend! definetly funn funn i'm so tired though i havent actually had the chance to sit down and just rest yesterday was shopping and cleaning the whole day then tonight party and then tommorrow work -_- oh boy i cant wait till i crash and gossip girl is such an addicting show (L) acccck im starting to get worried about school, math sucks. hopefully i'll be okay! post comment

:/ [17 Sep 2007|04:56pm] parrrrty and dramamarama timmmmm <33, steve I and i lmfao ( picturesss ) im so siiiick of peoples drama. ungh ungh ungh ungh no more kurt i'm so glad i was drunk and he wasnt so then he could be honest i almost cried, fucking a! you're a jerk i hate you. im so glad you know how i feel im not a slutttt wow 2 guys big deal you'd do it with 10 in one night if you could im done with bitches who start shit and lie about it straight to my face, dont piss me off when im drunk i know you're in love with him it's pathetic why dont you own up to it? i shouldnt have done some things but whatever i couldnt care less its all said and done i loveeee you adam, you helped me much more than you think even though you have a big mouth <333 :) no more drama for me! i will be drama free starting right now :) post comment

[15 Sep 2007|12:02am] this week has beeen way too loong too much drama, im so fed up with bs and 99% of people i also hate not talking to people i really want to talk to :( im trying again with kurt and idc because he makes me smile with his dumb comments parrty tommorow again, im going to be an alcy like wtf hahahaha i hate gross guys that hit on you actions speak louder than words and i just really want to be with someone who understands <3 This place was never the same again after you came and went how can you say you meant anything different to anyone standing alone on the street with a cigarette on the first night we met look to the past and remember her smile and maybe tonight I can breathe for awhile I'm not in this scene I think I'm falling asleep but then all that it needs is I'll always be dreaming of you post comment

[30 Aug 2007|12:03am] i love sketchbags tree bottle opener camp songs in the forest creeepz cute creeps real world hoe and skank toofpaste boots not boobs pictures boys with carss i hate sketchbag sssholes drunk dialing hangovers mud piss rock not talking straight being dumb but who cares misssss him i think i did something i shouldnt have post comment

[24 Jul 2007|02:06am] k, i dont want to act whipped cause i'm not i like you but i dont i like you to an extent but im not crazy about you dont get pissed when i'm not all over you cause you've been the exact same way with me i know you like other girls so deal with the fact that maybe i like another guy? or im just not that interested anymore? you lost me and you pretty much blew it. sorrry, it couldve been good. but it doesnt mean it cant change but like i said, i'm not waiting around for you and im certainly not letting you use me. you were doing so well too. but ofcourse, you had to turn shit around. hahahaha whatever i have no regrets and i really dont care, im not upset about anything. i dont even miss talking to you. as much as i thought i did. post comment

hmmmmmm [14 Jun 2007|07:40pm] haha wow thats fucked why would you do that, it was such an asshole move you ruined my mood and for once i thought we had something? but if we did you wouldnt do that would you? maybe my intuition was right and that you said all that so i'd have sex with you thats fucked up. because you acted so sweet which made me really like you now i dont even know what to say to you honestly its funny how pathetic i am though cause i keep wanting to talk to you but at the same time i dont want to give you attention you dont deserve. i like you okay, are you happy? post comment

[28 May 2007|09:33pm] i want you <3 but its not that simple. post comment

awwwe man [20 May 2007|08:02pm] why am i being dumb, i knooooow i'm going to regret it take chances right? :( post comment

pathetic [19 May 2007|09:41pm] <3 omg hahaha ihy. post comment

[14 Apr 2007|01:08am] [ music | damien rice ] there's never enough time to do everything. post comment

interpret it however you like [31 Mar 2007|12:31am] i hate the way a lot of things are inconsistent in my life. the last thing i need from you is to constantly walk in and out of my life. i need my security and i need a change. i know what needs to be done and i hope you help me because i really need this. i don't need anymore complications, this is already overwhelming enough. this time, it will be action not just talk. it's more than just luck, it's determination. please be patient with me, i promise i'll make it worth your while. no more excuses. everyday i'm realizing more and more who i really am but it's all so very complex. who knew there was so much to one person? it's always easier to point out the flaws because when you try to decipher your problems all you can see are your flaws. you forget to be thankful for what your strenghts are. people these days are too negative. all i want to do is be loved and to love in return. i want to make you happy because i know you deserve it. i've grown so vague and isolated from most people. it's almost likely the surface is completely surreal and sometimes i dont know which one i really am. it's hard when you try to impress people. you lose yourself because you convince yourself this is who you are when in fact it's not. people are so desperate to be liked they will do anything, even up to destroying themselves. back to real life. i have a job :) i'm doing fairly well at school i need to stop spending money and drinking coffee and drinking on a school night. help me please. chances are if you ever meet me in real life, you might be surprised. i'm annoying, i make dumb jokes and i think i'm funny. i wish i was constantly like that, life would be great. not that it's not right now. but it could be better. post comment

[28 Mar 2007|05:22pm] i'm over you i'm over you. fuck that i don't need you to make me happy no matter how happy you DID make me. byeeeeeeee post comment

snow day! [14 Feb 2007|09:02am] [ music | TV on the Radio ] happy valentines day. i'm actually disappointed school is closed. no candy ! :[ 4 comments|post comment

love [11 Feb 2007|01:16am] i dont think so. nu-uh. i hate you. what happened? you seem so lonely now. or maybe im insane who knows. point is, this sucks. you suck. everything sucks. like really. it's always why why why. maybe i should just do something. maybe you should. i find its so weird/great that you brought that up. and ive always thought about it. i dont really understand you, or this. im glad it happened. but actually not really cause now im in this position/situation. get me so far? doubt it. i need a sign. and i know i'll never get it unless i do something but i am TIRED of always doing something. it's always the same. no, i dont want to jump thank you anyway. you're pushing me. i dont like that. i wish you actually knew. or maybe you do. and that's why you're like this. thats cruel. dont do that. just please please please. say something. say it loud and clear. yes or no is all i need to know. its not that hard. then you or me can carry on. ive always been like this. but you dont know that. most people dont. nor do they care. but maybe this whole thing isnt real. maybe thats just the way you really are. i really like you. or atleast the part of you that i got to know. so well. i remember everything. everything you've ever said to me. every compliment, every reassurance, every word youve ever said to me. i deserve this, i want this. i want you. you're all i think of. everything. just talk to me please. thats all im asking. post comment

[17 Nov 2006|09:28pm] im so high riiight nrow haaa fuckkk post comment

[19 Oct 2006|08:04pm] ITS MY BIRTHDAY TODAY! YUUUUHHHH! 15th!! loookie what i got! i'm in love with it! ohhh and im sorry i never comment you guys. i swear i will! 9 comments|post comment

[13 Oct 2006|10:37pm] im deleting most of you, no one ever comments anyway! ahaha so i doubt you read this! peace 9 comments|post comment

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